You can always change your mind
We almost bought a new house last week.
Here’s how it happened. I was looking for senior’s groups in my geographic area that might be suitable for hosting a workshop. I came across a community not far from where I lived that had a lot of services for seniors, so I thought I would look at the housing situation in the area. One thing led to another, and I found a great house.
We’ve been talking about moving. It’s on the radar and will probably happen in the next year, although we aren’t planning on moving right now! I showed the listing to my husband, and he liked it. We decided to drive to the community and check it out. That was last Saturday. We arranged to see the house on Monday. We liked it.
I drove back with my daughter and grandkids on Tuesday to see the house. They all liked it. I showed the listing to friends and family. Everyone liked it. We decided to move ahead and put in an offer on Wednesday. Everything was happening really fast. Too fast.
On Tuesday night, I got out my journal and started writing. I made lists of pros and cons. I wrote about how I was feeling about the move. I started wobbling. Were we moving too fast?
On Wednesday morning, we sat down and talked about the process. We spoke of discernment and decision-making. In the end, we decided not to put in the offer. I wasn’t comfortable with how quickly things were happening.
Here’s what I believe about decisions:
Stop thinking in terms of good and bad. There probably isn’t a right or wrong choice with most decisions. We could have bought the house, and it would be okay. I used to think there was a perfect plan for my life, and I needed to figure out the right thing to do. Whether we bought the house or not - it’s all okay.
Have criteria when possible. We benefit when we have some criteria in place to help us discern. We might even have a way we discern. Think through your criteria and discernment process ahead of time to have a compass to guide you in the heat of the moment. (I’m currently reading and talking to people about medical assistance in dying (MAiD), I want to be educated before I am confronted with a choice.
Decisions are emotional. I know people like to think they are made intellectually, but they are not. We decide what makes us feel good, and we go for it - and then we justify it with all the rationale we can muster. (Go back to item 1 - there is no right or wrong. You can make all the lists you want. You can have ten reasons not to do or buy something and one good reason, and you will go with whatever feels most compelling.)
You can’t always trust your feelings (paradox?). When I talked to people, one of the most asked questions was, “How will you feel if you don’t make the offer?” Using this criterion doesn’t necessarily lead to the best decision. Know yourself. If you like to take risks, jump into things and shake up your life, that will impact how you feel about a decision. It’s good intel, but it doesn’t give clarity into making a sound choice.
Take responsibility for your decisions. I have a lingering pet peeve for “God told me to do this….” It can be a convenient way to justify doing what you want. When you make a decision, own it as your decision.
Be careful about getting input. Most people will support the decision you want to make. I talked to lots of people about the house. All of them would support either choice. And at the end of the day, it is your decision. If you get swayed easily by other people, this can be dangerous.
Second, guess yourself. Why not? You will, anyway. Maybe you thought you wanted to do something, and now you aren’t sure. It’s okay. We are constantly growing and changing. Most decisions don’t have to be permanent - even tattoos.
I hope this post gives you some clarity and comfort in decision-making. Life isn’t static, and there will always be choices you need to make. Thanks for reading so far. I would love to hear from you, and if you want to walk through a decision, email me, and we can set up a coaching call.
PS - Several years ago, I recorded a couple of podcasts on decision-making. Enjoy these episodes if you want to dig deeper:
E99 | Why you might not want to give your heart what it wants
E98 | Choosing from a place of love, not fear
E87 | A Gude to Decision Making and Spiritual Discernment with Nancy Bieber