The Retirement Party as Ritual
This past weekend I hosted a retirement party for my husband. It was more of a ‘retirement from’ party. He’s decided to step back from the work he has been doing for decades and spend some time resting and thinking about what is next in his life.
I am a big fan of honouring the milestones in our lives. I know that the retirement party celebrated a significant ending for Brian. It marked a passage into a new season of life. Each person came because of a relationship he had built with them. It was affirming on so many levels.
February 1st was the beginning of this new season, but Brian said it felt more official and real on Sunday morning after the celebration. I think that speaks to the power of ceremony and ritual.
I’ve been exploring rituals for several years.
Many milestones in our lives go unrecognized. They are significant, but we don’t always know how to mark them.
One reason might be that we have always deferred to institutions to lead the way for us. The schools we attended held graduation services. Many of our milestones were recognized in places of worship. Each religion has traditions covering our lives from birth to death. Usually, those affirm our faith and allegiance to the faith group, as demonstrated through participation in the prescribed rituals.
But what happens when we aren’t connected to an institution? And what about those events that aren’t covered by the standard practices of a faith community? How can we recognize the sacred moments that occur in our lives that change us profoundly?
Author Barbara Myerhoff wrote, “Retirements and funerals are crude markers for the stark beginning and end of old age: in between there is a universe of differentiation that remains a cultural wasteland for each to calculate and navigate alone, without the aid of ritual, ceremony, or symbol.”
Myerhoff’s fieldwork confirmed that rituals can lessen anxiety, dispel fear, and provide deep personal integration and meaning. She was acutely aware that the lack of secular ritual in the second half of life robs people of a way to integrate a variety of changes and losses, such as giving up the family home, moving into a care facility, accepting a wheelchair, or losing a spouse, friends or companion.*
In the past year, I’ve worked with a woman creating a ritual to mark her 40th birthday. Part of this milestone included accepting that she would not be a mother. I’ve also worked with a woman creating a ritual to bring closure to her marriage after her divorce was finalized.
Many moments in our lives are places where rituals could provide us with a way to integrate our experiences (let’s start with menopause!)
I’m currently working on an online version of Sacred Rituals. You can find out more here.
I’m also teaching a workshop on Sacred Rituals in June through Sage-ing International. You can find out more below.
I’d also love to hear your thoughts about rituals.
If you are interested in having me lead a workshop or speak about Sacred Rituals to a group you are connected with, you can reply to this email.
I am also available to work with you if you want individual support in creating a ritual to mark a milestone in your life.
Love,
Sandy
PS - Has anyone considered doing a ritual to mark the end of the pandemic?
*The information about Barbara Myerhoff was taken from: Transforming Inspiration to Program Application: The Journey of Transitional Keys by Andrea Sherman and Marsha Weiner, published in the Journal of the American Society on Aging, Fall 2011, Vol. 35. No 3.