Health isn’t everything.
There’s something that we need just as much.
I’m slowly recovering from my first encounter with Covid. I managed to avoid it for the entire pandemic and I have officially joined the club. I can now contribute my story of fever and fatigue to the collective. It’s been two weeks of too much alone time. I am restless for some fun. With gratitude, I note June looks promising.
I watched a documentary during my recovery and wondered what I was doing with my life. There’s nothing like an illness to catapult this person into self-reflection.
500 Days in the Wild documents the journey that filmmaker Dianne Whelan made covering the entire 24,000 km of the Trans Canada Trail without a motor. She walked, biked and paddled. Her original plan was to complete it in 500 days but it took her six years!
Watching Whelan’s travels got me thinking about what I wanted in my life. When I wasn’t thinking about escape, I was thinking about my people. It seems I’m divided in wanting to be surrounded by friends and family enjoying good times and being alone in the woods. I was sad that we had to cancel a family gathering because I was sick. It’s so hard to get everyone together these days.
One of the lessons that Dianne Whelan learned in her solo hike across Canada on the longest trail in the world was that she couldn’t do it alone. Sure, there were long stretches of solitude but even those were book-ended with supply drops or safety check-ins by her team. As she made her way, one of her key discoveries was how much she needed, and wanted, to be with people.
I often hear people say, “If you have your health you have everything.” I understand how significant good health is to our experience of life. I’ve been thinking these past few weeks about how important our relationships are to our sense of well-being. Connections are what give our lives meaning. We all need to feel significant.
It’s even deeper than that. I dug out a book I read a few years ago. You may have read Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - And the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari. In his search to understand the prevalence of anxiety and depression in North America, he discovers that the problem isn’t with our brains, the problem is with how we live. We are spending our lives disconnected from what is really important.
When we are struggling emotionally we are often encouraged to do something for ourselves. We order something online, read a book or watch a movie. Our attention is on ourselves, our pain and our suffering. In Lost Connections, Hari writes that this can ultimately lead to feeling more disconnected. In fact, he learns when we focus on helping someone else it can lift us out of our funk.
Hari looks at seven areas in our lives where reconnecting is a helpful strategy to manage depression and anxiety. The first one is reconnecting with other people. (The others include reconnecting with meaningful work and values, dealing with childhood trauma and overcoming addiction to self.) He acknolwedges that ongoing research needs to be done but he has done his homework and it resonates with me.
Our connections with what is most important can be muffled by all the noise around us. At the height of the pandemic, when things got quiet in our lives, we had a glimpse of what we were missing. Many of us committed to living differently once it was over but it is difficult to not get sucked back into old ways of being in the world.
Yesterday, I saw my grandkids for the first time after a few weeks. I know I am blessed to see them most weeks and I don’t take it for granted. But when I walked in and those three beautiful kids tackled me with hugs and kisses, I felt like I had everything in the world that mattered.
Yes, health is important but it isn’t everything. In a world that equates independence with success, it is easy to live a life focused on ourselves - until we need help. Cultivating connection is something I want to focus on this summer in my own life. It’s sage wisdom I’m beginning to appreciate.
I am looking forward to having some in-person connection with those of you who can attend a retreat in October. There are only 5 rooms still available. Find out more here. Register soon to secure your spot.