Can reflecting on the past change your future?
This morning I went through my planner creating a timeline of events from June 2019 - July 2021. My daughter needed my input for a homeschooling project. We are similar in that we both like analog calendars. The notes in my paper planner provide a much better resource than a digital calendar.
It isn’t that far back and yet, I had already forgotten some of the details I had written down. Future family historians will love me. One day noted, “Covid cases increasing, lock down extended for six more weeks.” March 2020 was full of cancelled trips and events for us and several friends. We had no idea what was going to unfold.
I often write kernels of ideas down in my planner or journal. My notebooks are an extension of my brain. I came across a recent entry where I only noted two words. There was no context for them. I had only written the words and definitions. I don’t know where I came across them so I can’t provide any attribution. It was several weeks ago and I have a vague recollection they may have been words I read separately, saw the similarities and made a note.
The first word is denouement. It is the final part of the story in which all the threads of the plot are drawn together and everything is explained. It is a great word and you may be familiar with it. It aligns with conscious aging and the work I am doing.
One of the first books I read about aging was Prime Time by Jane Fonda (originally published in 2011.) Fonda introduced me to the idea of the third act of life. I was in my early fifties when I read this book. I recognize now the early seeds of being intentional and thoughtful about how I wanted to age. The Third Act is a phrase I use often in my work. In my memory of the book, Fonda saw this season as a time of resolution in our lives.
It is the denouement.
For me, a satisfying movie or story ties together all the loose threads and makes sense of what has preceded it. I rarely enjoy a story that leaves everything undone, leaving it up to the audience to piece together.
The second-word shares etymologically with denouement.
It is the word énouement. It is defined in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows this way:
n.the bittersweetness of having arrived here in the future, finally learning the answers to how things turned out but being unable to tell your past self.
What a fascinating word! It may explain the popularity of questions like “If you could go back and tell your twenty-year-old self anything what would it be?” We’ve all experienced that feeling where we wish we could time-travel and course-correct or affirm a decision we agonized over making.
It also explains why life review and repair provide healing and resolution as we enter our third act of life. Spending time looking back over our life is the way of denouement. It can provide us with clarity in answering the question, “What’s next?” It helps us to see the values that guide our choices. It helps us to work through forgiveness that is needed whether of self or others.
We can’t change the past by reflecting on it but we can find resolution and healing. We can see the choices we make and the consequences of them in our lives. We can accept the path we took and make changes. The third act offers us opportunities to harvest all of our experiences and become wise elders in our families and communities.
We will all be on the timeline of someone’s personal history. I believe that the path of conscious aging will provide wisdom and perspective for future generations.
Here are two opportunities that will help you in this work:
A Year to Live - a twelve month, online journey with a small group of women to discover the clarity that comes with facing mortality.
Soul-Centered Aging - a weekend retreat to explore conscious aging. Read more at the link.