Day 36: A planned goodbye

I woke up this morning and immediately thought, “this is the day.” I sent my friend a text with a heart and praying hands emoji (I refuse to see it as a high five emoji). The other option is was a ‘thinking of you today’ text.

By the time I post this my friend’s mother will have died. She is in her 90’s and has scheduled MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) this afternoon. This instance is the closest I have been to someone who is experiencing this particular ending to their time in this world. I don’t think it will be the last.

It’s a conversation more and more of my friend’s discuss when we talk about facing our mortality. When I did my death doula training we had a session on it. I felt really emotional at the time. I remember feeling like there was something wrong with this option. That there was a failure somewhere in the system that brought people to the place where they felt this was the best option.

When things shift from hypothetical to personal though, so does our thinking. What is it like to live with chronic pain, needing constant care at 93 years of age? When you have made peace with your mortality and are ready to make your final transition, perhaps MAID is a good ending.

I anticipate more and more elderly people will choose MAID. I used to worry that it would, in some dystopian future, become mandatory at a certain age. Now I wonder if people will self-select when the time is right?

I still have mixed feelings and I hope my Crone work provides somewhat of a counterweight for women who might make this choice because they don’t want to be a burden to their family. I think this decision is complicated and nuanced.

Today, I’ll light a candle and pray for my friend and her family. And I’ll pray for wisdom and understanding in this entire conversation.