Day 35: The cat’s not in the cradle

Yesterday was the first Thanksgiving I can recall (outside of Covid) when my family didn’t get together.

We normally have an extended family gathering, but over the past few years, that has dwindled. This weekend, my only local child, a busy mother of three, let me know she would prefer to pass on a family gathering this year. My husband felt the same way. We had two family dinners in September, and I think everyone felt we had checked that box.

And that is just it. We checked off a box. A box labelled getting together with family.

It seems that getting together has become an obligation. I’m not just talking about my family. I’m talking in general.

I was chatting with my mechanic, a young Iranian man, who shared his own observations about how things have shifted since the pandemic. He finds his family spending less time together. He also said his friends aren’t hanging out as much.

So, before I go all Cats in the Cradle on you, I want to suggest that, as elders in our communities, we may need to step up and pull people together.

I understand that it takes effort to clean a house, prepare a meal and invite people over. But we need each other, even when making the effort feels like a burden.

We ended up driving to see my mother yesterday. We picked up sandwiches at a coffee shop. She made butter tarts. We had an easy lunch, stayed for a couple of hours and went home.

It wasn’t an inconvenience. It wasn’t a big event, either. It was simply a time to connect and share what we were grateful for over a store bought wrap.

I’m thinking hard about building community these days. Perhaps it begins with something as ordinary as inviting someone over, sharing a meal or making the effort to show up.

I’m sure I’ll have more to say about this over the next month.