I am not going to sweat it

I had one of those moments this weekend that left me feeling a little more conscious of some of the messages I am still holding at this stage of life.

I took my oldest granddaughter to Port Dover, Ontario, to pick up her friend. We decided to grab lunch, and we were sitting on a patio, and I was really feeling the heat. I hadn’t checked the weather before I left, and I was overdressed. I noticed a beach shop nearby with breezy tops and dresses hanging outside, and when the perspiration started running down my face, I walked over and bought one. It didn’t meet any of my criteria for summer clothes, especially the one about keeping my arms covered.

For most of my adult life, I have heard many women talk about their arms being some deep source of shame as they age. In our culture, we have what Sonya Renee Taylor calls the ‘default body.’ You know the body - white, thin, young, fit, able-bodied, etc. The more you adhere to that type of body, the more acceptable you feel about yourself.

Older women struggle with the changes in our bodies. Not only are we dealing with what I call ‘increased maintenance,’ but we are also feeling uncomfortable about showing our bodies. The crepey skin, the veiny legs, the thinning hair and wrinkles can all feel like public displays of failure to age well.

I generally feel pretty good about my body. At 67, I am relatively healthy. I am mobile, and I am not overweight. I’m doing okay. I was surprised about how self-conscious I felt showing my arms. When I feel those feelings, I’m learning to stop and think about the source of them. I don’t dismiss them. I listen and ask whether this is the voice of wisdom or the echo of an old cultural script.

I think a lot about the messages I give my granddaughters about their bodies. I know actions speak louder than words, so I am happy to put on my bathing suit and wear a sleeveless top - even if I feel a little self-conscious. I’m embracing the complexity of aging. I am living into what I know is true.

At the end of the day, I’m not going to sweat it.