Day 16: Making Peace with Sunday.

Sunday morning used to be a time I dreaded.

For decades I was “the pastor’s wife.” Sunday morning meant putting on my church mask. My kids were dressed in their nicest clothes. We all arrived together, smiling and looking happy to be there. Even when we weren’t.

Back in the day, we were at church all day.

Sunday School went from 9:30 to 10:30. Then the main event from 11:00 to 12:15. After that, we were on until the last person left or we were committed for longer if we had planned to extend hospitality to someone and have them over for a meal. There were days when our company didn’t leave until 4:00 pm giving us a short time to get ready and get back to church for the evening service at 6:30 pm.

If you know, you know.

It was a lot.

Contrast that with the Sunday morning I just had.

I spent an hour in bed drinking tea and journaling. I went for a walk down on the beach at low tide. I wandered around outdoors. I stood barefoot on the ground and prayed facing each of the four directions.

I came back in and did some more reflecting on a book I am reading with a discussion group, The Feminine Face of God: The Unfolding the of Sacred in Women.

I was deeply struck by a synchronicity in the book that mirrored something I had talked about with a friend last night—and journaled about earlier today. I felt in my soul a confirmation about something important to me.

I spent some time praying for a family member—not for what I want to happen, but for the Divine to lead them in the way that is best for them, which may or may not be aligned with what I want.

I know some of my old friends from my church days think I have backslidden.But eight years after leaving organized religion, I feel healthier spiritually than I did for most of my adult life.

I didn’t just deconstruct a belief system. I discovered the love and freedom that is there when you stop outsourcing your understanding of God and begin to look within.

Sunday is now my favourite day of the week.