When was the last time you changed your mind?
One of my favourite days of the week is Sunday. I’ve changed my mind a lot about what I do on Sunday. For most of my life, it was a full day. It might seem crazy, but when my kids were young, a typical Sunday included being at church ready to teach Sunday School at 9 am. Our church service followed at 10:30. We felt the pressure to model hospitality and frequently had company for lunch. And if that wasn’t enough, we headed back to church at 6:30 pm for an evening service. The kids were dragged along in their Sunday best for all of it. They also had to be on their best behaviour if they didn’t want to deal with the wrath of stressed-out parents.
Flash forward 35 years, and the older and wiser me spends the day relaxing. Sunday is finally a sacred day for me. I spend the morning in bed with my books and a journal. I often watch a cheesy chick flick or an inspiring documentary. In the winter, I usually don’t even get out of my pj’s. It is the day my soul catches up to my body. I love Sunday. I no longer go to church, but I end the day far more grounded than at any other time in my life.
I could give you other examples of how I’ve changed over the years. Joan Chittister writes, “The very act of reviewing one’s own values, then and now, stands as a marker for us all. It reminds us that it is possible to learn as we go through life. It is even more important to be open to doing it and willing to report it. Life grows us. Life shapes us. Life converts us. Life opens us as we age to think differently, even about ourselves.” (From The Gift of Years)
There are a few thoughts I had after reading that quote.
It is essential to review our values and recognize that they change.The things that were once important to us may no longer hold the same appeal. They may have served us well at a particular stage of life, but they may not make sense to us now.
We are constantly changing. I used a quote many years ago in my first corporate training job. It was, “If you haven’t changed your opinion on something in the past year, check your pulse, you might be dead.” If we are open to new information, we will change our minds. Hindsight gives us the benefit of looking back and seeing that our thinking was flawed or we didn’t have all the data needed to make a good choice. (Consider that when you judge other people for their past decisions. They were probably doing what they thought was right at the time.)
We need to admit that we’ve changed our thinking. Chittister says, ‘be willing to report it.’ This step is so important. Without revealing our thinking has changed to the people around us who may have been impacted or influenced by our beliefs and actions, we perpetuate thinking and behaviour we no longer support. It’s humbling to say, “I was wrong. I know better now; I wouldn’t make that same choice or support that way of thinking.” It takes courage and a willingness to disappoint people by admitting we have changed. It is also freeing. It frees us to be true to ourselves and others to do the same.
I’ve been learning how important it is to do this work. I’m offering workshops to support you in the spiritual growth and maturity of ageing. It is fantastic when people who have lived full lives come together and share their stories. I hope to see you at one of my events soon. For now, think about something you’ve changed your mind over your lifetime. Please share it with someone who might be surprised.