I miss taking risks

I used to be a risk-taker. It wasn’t always intentional but my spontaneous nature prompted quick action without much analysis of what could go wrong. I dislike feeling boxed in and I love a good adventure. It’s made for some good stories. Like the one about buying a house that my husband hadn’t even seen. For the most part, things always worked out or good lessons were learned.

I’ve always felt like my preference for routine and planning was nicely offset by my ability to chuck the plans and go have fun. That’s why I use a pencil! But lately? It seems like I’ve become more cautious, more afraid of making mistakes, more afraid of failure.

Last week I was staying at my son’s place. I decided one day to go for a walk in an unfamiliar area. I sent my husband a text. I told him where I was heading and to call if he didn’t hear from me in about 3 hours. I headed to the park where I was greeted with a sign that explained all the risks I was taking by walking in this park including a suggestion to wash my hands and shoes when I got home!

Boldy, I ventured on. I walked along the trails that led to Lake Ontario. It was a rainy Spring day and other than the occasional runner, I was alone. No wild animals or threats of any other nature. I had a great time and saw birds I hadn’t seen all winter. I always admire those first migrating birds. They take a risk on the warm breezes that bring them back every Spring. I took a risk walking alone in an urban park.

So what is going on with me/us?

Take risks: if you win you will be happy; if you fail you will be wise. - Anonymous

Here are two other recent examples of my hesitation that feels fear-based to me.

1. My decision to bring my newsletter over to Substack. I thought so much about the pros and cons. I went back and forth for over a year on the decision. I finally decided that the risk was minimal. I might lose a few subscribers (I did) but at some point, I realized I wouldn’t know if this was a good move unless I did it. So far, I would say things are going okay over here. I’ll revisit it at the end of December.

2. Planning a retreat this fall. I’ve been wanting to run an in-person retreat in Ontario for over a year. Somehow booking a venue and putting down the deposit, knowing that I could lose money if no one showed up seemed like a huge risk to take. Yesterday, I went to see a venue and I’m signing the contract today to officially book the space. It is going to be a really good weekend and I’m excited about gathering in person. (Save the date: October 4-6, 2024)

Both of these examples are small risks. The downside is minimal. The worst-case scenario in one is I lose a few readers. The worst case in the other is I lose $200. I had to reframe any loss as necessary to my growth.

I don’t feel like I am alone. Many of us are operating out of an abundance of caution. I recently read an article that talked about the need for children to have risky play. There is a lot of research right now that points to the benefits of kids playing without constant adult supervision. It turns out that risky play can develop children’s self-confidence, resilience, executive functioning abilities and even risk-management skills. It can also REDUCE the risk of injury.

I wonder how that translates to adults as well? What do we lose when we live so cautiously? How can we build more risk into our lives? And would be willing to take more risks lead to more fun and adventure?

Here are a few things that I am trying to do to shake off this fear of failure or impending doom. I want to minimize the overactive imagination that feeds me thoughts of disaster or catastrophe if I step off the expectation path for sixty-five-year-old women.

1. Monitor my news and social media intake. We are constantly exposed to media that is sensationalized to get our attention. It works. We find ourselves unable to look away from the images that we are fed. I know everyone has heard enough about late-stage capitalism but consider how messages that make us fearful and off-balance keep us buying products that soothe, comfort or offer us a feeling of control.

2. Ask: “What is the worst thing that can happen and how likely is it to happen?” Ask: “Is it true?” This question comes from Byron Katie. If you aren’t familiar with The Work, it is very helpful in getting free from the thoughts that keep us anxious.

3. Remember that growth happens on the edge. If you stay in your comfort zone you won’t grow. Over time you probably won’t even be comfortable. You’ll be bored. What is one thing that you would like to do but it feels risky?

Take some time to think through your fears and how they impact your decision-making and risk-taking. Think about the upside of taking the risk as well. For me, the idea of having fifteen women spend a weekend together exploring the wisdom journey of ageing in a beautiful context made booking the retreat space a worthwhile risk. I’ll be sending out details within the next few weeks.

As always, if you need some coaching around discernment and decision making reach out to me. What have you got to lose? It’s a risk worth taking.

This post was cross-published on Substack.