The Scariest Halloween I Remember
I’ve been wearing these ghost earrings all week. A woman I work with made them. They make me smile. They symbolize another way I’ve reclaimed a part of myself.
Halloween and I haven’t always gotten on very well. In fact, Halloween is a source of resentment for one of my children.
When Brittany was in Grade 3, the board at the church where my husband was pastoring paid us a visit. Apparently, our pumpkin carving and trick-or-treating ways had created quite a stir with some of the congregation. We were new to the church and didn’t realize that what we were doing was considered to be on par with devil worship. We were advised that allowing our kids to participate would be a grave mistake (pun intended) personally and professionally.
So, we did what any conflict-adverse, people-pleasing couple who wanted to remain employed would do. We told our kids they weren’t allowed to go out for Halloween. And they hated us for it. The only people happy were those whose opinions shouldn’t have held so much sway over us.
That decision still haunts me.
I’ve been thinking about the choices I have made in my life lately. I turn 65 this week, which is a significant milestone for me. I’m crossing into official senior citizen status now, although I like to think of myself as a ‘young senior.’ I am, nevertheless, a senior citizen. I'll write more about that once I cross the threshold officially!
Part of the work of conscious aging is life review and life repair. We make time to take a look back and think about the significant moments that have shaped us. Getting to this stage of life with some baggage isn't surprising. One of the bags many of us carry around is one labelled ‘regrets.’
Author Ron Pevny writes, “Our regrets can become potent elements of our disempowering stories, serving only to diminish our sense of self-worth as they continually remind us of our failures and flaws. Or they can become our teachers, reminding us of behaviours and attitudes that did not work for us in the past and won’t work in the future and pointing the way to life-enhancing alternative behaviours and attitudes. Key to conscious eldering is striving to live and die with no disempowering regrets — honoring and loving ourselves as imperfect yet continually growing, learning beings.” (Conscious Living, Conscious Aging)
And that is why I smile when I look at my ghost earrings.
They remind me that I have grown and learned. I've moved from being a woman eager to please and putting her personal convictions aside to make others happy. They also remind me of my many conversations with my daughter. We’ve worked through a lot of the anger she feels about being raised in a conservative evangelical home. We both know how easy it is to compromise our values and beliefs to make others comfortable and be accepted. I’m grateful for that lesson.
The truth is, I never really had an issue with Halloween. I let someone else push me into conforming, which is scarier than any costume my kids ever wore. I’m grateful my grandchildren get dressed up, visit their neighbours, get candy, and collect memories of fun times in their community.
These days, I find Halloween and the Celtic celebration of Samhain to be spiritually significant times in my year. Traditionally, these days were viewed as a liminal time marking the separation between summer and winter, light and dark. November 1st is All Saints Day, and November 2nd is All Souls Day—two days to remember and celebrate those who have gone before us. I'm learning more about what this season offers.
Are there any regrets haunting you? Letting go of the disempowering stories you have around your regrets can bring healing and release to you. It’s powerful work. It’s part of the work of becoming a wise elder.
I'll be offering my Life Review workshop again in January. Tuck that in the back of your mind as we head into these last few months of 2023. You can start turning your disempowering regrets into lessons that have made you who you are.