A letter to my older self

I was recently tasked to write a letter to my younger self in a writing workshop. It's a popular exercise. It's common to see Instagram posts inviting readers to share what they want to tell their younger selves. It’s a fascinating way to think about how life experiences have equipped us with a stronger sense of what’s important in life.

At sixty-five, I would write a book for my twenty-one-year-old self. I’d include some light-hearted fashion advice, including saying no to the 1980s’ big hair. The problem is that I can’t change anything or advise that young woman. At best, I can reassure my current self about the choices I made along the way.

A better exercise would be to write to my future self.  I can tell her some things. I might not be able to time travel to the future, but as her younger advisor, I could think about where I hope she will be in the future and how I can support her now. I know she will thank me later. I decided to write her a letter and share it with you! Enjoy this letter to my eighty-five-year-old self. 

Dear Sandy,

I wrote this letter to you twenty years ago. It’s now February 2044, and I wonder how the last twenty years have unfolded! I made sure to print a paper copy because I had no idea where technology would be when you read this letter. I don’t even want to think about it!

I have a feeling you’ll enjoy these thoughts! Maybe we will laugh about how young I was when I put them down on paper and how much I still had to learn about life. Here's what I want to remind you of at this stage of life.

1. Be clear about what you want at the end of your life. You used to have a feeling that borders on superstition when it came to talking about death. You felt like if you were ready to die, you would die. I know that sounds irrational. I also know you aren't alone in that line of thinking. 

I’ve thought a lot about our mortality in the past few years. I had to read several books and reflect on death in my certification program with Sage-ing International. Surprisingly, I’ve found it quite freeing. The freedom encouraged me to start making plans. I bet you are glad we did. One less thing for you to do now. Things may have changed along the way - if they have update your final wishes. Maybe there is some cool new burial alternative!  I also hope you are keeping up with the legacy letter writing.

2. Deal with your regrets. It's okay to have regrets when looking back over your life. All of us will see places we wish we had done things differently. It's how you deal with them that is important. 

I made a list of things I think you will regret if I don’t do them. At the top of the list is going for a long walk. I mean a very long walk. 

For many years, I thought I would walk the Camino de Santiago. Time and money were always a barrier. I have just finished reading Landlines by Raynor Winn. Her stories about her walks in England and Scotland have stirred something in me. I’ve decided I don’t want to put off this dream much longer. I plan and hope to fulfill this desire in the summer of 2025. I hope you have lots of good memories and stories about our walks. 

Keep dealing with your regrets. Keep looking over your life for places that need healing.

3. Let it Go. I like to plan and make lists. As I mentioned part of my motivation is to deal with things so that you can reflect on your life with joy and gratitude when you read this letter.

I also know that life happens. I have no idea what you will have faced in the last twenty years. And so my last advice to my older self is to LET IT GO. From where I am now, I understand the third act of life is learning to let go of things. 

Illness, death, grief, financial crisis and family needs will keep coming your way. You've experienced it all. It took your attention away from the things you wanted to do. This world encourages us to dream big. We think we can do so much.

This third act is a time to dream deep. You chose to live by your values. To live with integrity. All the things that didn’t happen? You can let them go.

You’ve always been good at getting rid of material things. I hope you can let go of holding on to any ideas of how things SHOULD be in your life. Let go of your regrets. Let go of any anger, hurt, resentment. 

You planned. You made lists. And then life happened. It’s okay. Let go of all the stuff. Make room for love and acceptance. And be grateful for all that you have experienced. 

Love, 

Sandy

Back to the present! I hope you enjoyed this letter. Writing was difficult, and I'll rewrite it as I sit with it. It's a work in progress. I encourage you to write your own version. It doesn’t have to be twenty years out. It could be any time frame, and deal with any conversation you think is important.

Here are a couple of takeaways to consider:

1. I am looking at offering a year-long course based on the book, “A Year to Live” by Stephen Levine. The goal of the course is to look at the things you need to address before you die. If you are interested, please let me know. It’s on the back burner, but if there is enough interest, I can make firm plans to start it. Reply to this email if you are interested.

2. What dream are you putting off? Make a Things I Might Regret List now and think about whether or not you want to make it happen. A Regret List will be different than a bucket list. A bucket list is a list of things that would be great to do. A Regret List includes more than adventure. It can include conversations you haven’t had, letters you wished you had written, and forgiveness you wished you had extended. It’s the work of conscious aging.

3. If you are part of a group of women or a community group and would like to explore conscious aging, check out my speakers page. I offer workshops and retreats that will help you dream deeper.