Crone in the Woods, Centipede in the Bathroom

I love nature. I really do. I spent some time this weekend hugging a tree with a friend. I don’t mean any tree. I mean, we drove for 30 minutes to find a special tree to hug. I’ve taken a survival course in my 60’s. I keep a nature journal and a biotime log. I have given myself the title A Crone in the Woods. I am very committed to pursuing a deeper connection with nature.

Until I see a centipede in the bathroom, God forbid in the shower. And then, all my tree-hugging, nature-loving, living in harmony tendencies go out the window. On a good day, I wash it down the drain and hope it finds a happy home somewhere else. On a bad day, it ends its life in a Kleenex flushed down the toilet. It is inconsistent with everything I stand for in my life.

It’s not the only time I notice this in myself. This week, the stars somehow aligned to give me a cosmic centipede. I have three appointments: one with my financial planner, a follow-up with a dermatologist and a callback on my mammogram.

All that conscious aging, embracing your mortality, living-in-the-moment stuff, and being at peace with whatever life delivers? It feels like it is heading for the drain, and I’m reaching for the tap.

But I’m not. I’m journaling, breathing when I feel anxious and focusing on the things that matter right now. I come from a long line of worriers, and I’m very good at it. So, when life events feel threatening, I have to work at remembering what is true. I imagine some people can just roll with these things. I’m not one of them.

I am currently co-facilitating a four-week course on Awakening the Sage Within. I don’t believe it is a coincidence that the section I am teaching tomorrow is on Facing Your Mortality.

I’m used to talking about death (remember the expression I’ve used here in the past? Talking about death won’t kill you). But most days, I forget about how much uncertainty surrounds us as humans. I take life for granted. And then I have a week like this week.

I use words like integration and alignment all the time in my work. The truth is, those things only happen when we are learning. And for me, and most people I know, we learn best when we are in a position that pushes us outside our comfort zone.

I’m more like that centipede in the shower than I like to admit.